Comont?

Mon Capitan: posilble "Check in"
Gendarme: Non, retornez sept heur a onze heur Lundi (return 7 till 11 monday)
Capitan Alan: Posible "check In "nooky Nooky"
Gendarm: Comont? (What?)
Mon Glorious Leader: Niky Naki?
Gendarme: Comont?
Al: Niky Nooney?
Gendarme: are... (en francais). "Nuka Hiva", oul sai posible. ("Nuka  Hiva" yes, that's possible.)

So off we go to Nuka Hiva. I'm looking forward to it. I haven't been to Nuka Hiva. I've been to Hiva Oa before. I'd forgotten how beautiful it is, It makes the Caribbean like Skem. I hear by nominate the Marqesas as the loveliest place on the planet.

On the subject of Skem, aka Skelmesdale, a new town to house the inner city population of liverpool......

Liverpool FC were doing OK, they had a shot at the premiership. They still sent out scouts, one of them phoned up from Basra.

"Look I've got this kid he's *&%$ hot. I mean he's great." So the manager puts him on the squad.

Final of the FA cup, 10 minutes to play, Liverpool are 2 nil down. manager goes. "We've got noting to loose put the Iraqi kid on".

The lad comes on 3 minutes, he shoots he scores. Crowed goes wild. I mean nuts.

He knocks off 2 more goals. Liverpool wins. As soon as the Iraqi's out the shower, he rings his mum.

"Mum" he says "We've won. I scored 3 goals. Every one loves me, Its Great."

His mum says "What about us".

He says "What happened are you OK?".

Hs mum says "Well your sisters been raped, we've been burgled, and last night we were fire-bombed."

He says " I'm sorry mum, I really am"

She says "you should be, your the one that made us move to Liverpool".

errrm i'd better stop now in case any scousers are reading this.........